Dear Admissions Committee
by xinde
Summary: The Death Note characters apply to college! Read their thoughtful and occasionally humorous application essays. Serious moments are serious. DON'T hold me liable if you try this in your own essays and it doesn't work. Complete.
1. Near

A/N: Hello there. In a recent spurt of inspiration thanks to getting all my college decisions back, I have written the Death Note characters' college applications! This is in a warped universe where everything in canon happened with the exception of everyone dying (how does that work, you ask? Well, idk.) So assume everyone has survived, and those who haven't gone to college decide there's no better time, and those who have decide they might as well tag along for the second time around.

Some of these questions are real prompts from universities I applied to (is that a breach of privacy? O.O) But I must warn you, the Death Note peeps' college essays are prime examples of what NOT to do on your application. You'll see. This is all mostly for laughs, but you might catch some serious moments here and there.

And lastly, before this author's note gets longer than the chapter itself: there will be nine applicants, so nine chapters total, and so that no college can sue me for using their trademark name, the universities will be called A or B or some letter. Pay attention to that.

I don't own Death Note.

Oh dear, I've built up so much excitement through this long note, and now please don't be disappointed… I present to you Near's college application!

XXX

**University D Application Form**

Name: Nate River

DOB: 8/24/91

Race: white, obviously

Religion (optional): atheist

Class size: 42

Class rank: 1

**Extracurricular activities:**

Sports: I stand up every now and then. Occasionally, I swim through CD recordings of Kira's Kingdom (as demonstrated on page 16 of chapter 91). I also excel at darts.

Clubs: SPK, secret nonprofit organization comprising four members; mission: eliminate Kira

Community service: ridding the world of Kira's miasma ought to count for several thousand hours.

**Please name and describe what you consider your most attractive quality: 150 chars.**

That would have to be my headful of fluffy white hair. It contributes to my cute factor, which helps me winnow out pedophiles from the crowd.

**Please describe a meaningful travel experience that you have had: 600 chars.**

I was seventeen when I first left England for the United States. The trip was pleasant, especially because I didn't wear a belt, jacket, or shoes, so security was quite painless. Being on a real life plane inspired me to draw up new designs for a model airplane line I plan to release shortly. Possibly the only irritating aspect of the ride was Director Mason's snoring. I also spent some time to ponder the mysteries of life, love, and luck. I came to no conclusions (that's what I hope to do in college), yet I cannot say my travel experience was entirely wasted.

**Please describe a meaningful leadership experience that you have had: 2500 chars.**

Those who know me would expect me to write of my time as the leader of the SPK. If I had wanted to tell you of my experiences there, I would have directed you to start reading _Death Note _from chapter 60. That just goes to show how few people truly know me as a leader.

John Quincy Adams said, "If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more, and become more, you are a leader."

I entered Wammy's House on the 26th of November, 1999. I took the ranking exam on the 3rd of December. The next day, the results were posted, and I had taken rank #1 from Mello. To say he didn't take the loss well would be an understatement.

Thanks to Mello, I broke most of the bones in my body at intervals over the first few months. The only time I ever spoke to him was some time in April, just after my jaw finished healing. I didn't fancy getting it broken again.

"You have to beat me," I told him. "Not literally."

He looked at me, and his eyes were wild, not unlike a dog backed into a corner. I stared back at him for a few seconds, and then he looked more like a lion stalking its prey. Or maybe a wolf, if you prefer to stay in the canine family.

After that day, my skin was white again, and his knuckles weren't bloody red from knocking me teeth out. I guess they started turning grey from long nights with ink, lead, and fine print textbooks. He was going to beat me with his brains instead of his fists. A noble goal indeed, and inspired solely by me. Well, I have to give L some credit in later years, when Mello idolized him, but I was more visible to him in the meanwhile. I was the target he wanted to surpass.

Does that make me a leader, I who never spoke positive words of encouragement to Mello? I think it was rather my silence that did it. He wanted to hear me acknowledge defeat, eat my words from so long ago: "You've got to beat me." Whether he ever got to hear that is irrelevant. I inspired him to… well, not dream, but maybe have nightmares about me beating him, and he certainly has learned, done, and become far more than he ever could have without me. However, you are the judge. I say I am a leader. And you…?

By the way, it is futile to call University E and ask them to ask Mello for verification of these events. You might try Matt, but there is a 96% chance Mello will blackmail/bribe/seduce him to lie. I wish you luck.


	2. Mello

A/N: I hope you have all enjoyed the first chapter! Now Mello takes the stage, while I continue to not own Death Note.

XXX

**University E Application Form**

Name: sure as hell not telling you

Preferred name: Mello

DOB: 10 years earlier than yours (as in, you don't stand a chance with me, you lascivious old admissions officer! Plus, I'm already taken)

Citizenship: Germany, England, America, and Republic of Mello after I found it

Religion (optional): Catholicism. That should be mandatory.

Parental information:

Names: what names? I never knew the twits.

Occupations: child abandoners? How much does that pay, I wonder?

Education: look, who's applying to college, my parents or I? And way to rub in the fact that I don't have a normal family.

Class size: 43

Class rank: 2, damn it

Education interruption: please describe any unusual circumstances regarding your attendance at secondary school or other university

Did not graduate high school: left school to pursue Kira

**Give a nonscientific reason for why the sky is blue: 50 words**

God made it that way. Need I say more?

**What would you do with a free afternoon? 50 words**

This is a long and detailed process; take note:

Locate Matt.

Improve his attire by removing most of it.

Drag him to bed and [- -censored- -]

**Write a note to your future roommate: 500 words.**

Dear Matt,

I hope you've read what I wrote about a free afternoon, because that's the first thing we'll be doing when we move in.

I also really love you, and I hope you'll get into University E with me, because without you, I'll probably go batshit crazy (-ier than I already am, yeah) and then I'll get expelled and then I'll have filled out this damned form for nothing.

(Thank God Near's not applying to E. _Not _that any sane admissions officer would admit that white freak, unless he/she really is a lascivious old twerp as I discussed above.)

What are you majoring in? I'm planning to develop my own major, and it'll be an interdisciplinary field combining psychology, biology, kinesthetic studies, art, chemistry, technology, er… have I missed anything? Oh yes, and did I mention that it'll be called Matt: Studies of a Beloved Person? I think this'll be a great breakthrough in human studies at E; classes after us will be queuing up to enroll in this major.

Knowing you, you'll probably bury yourself in more computer science, though I don't see why, because you could probably teach all the comp sci classes here and write the curricula for more. Whereas my field is completely unprobed. Well, I can't say that, since I've been doing unofficial research on you in all the years we've known each other. But this time I'll have a sponsor and everything and I'll write this brilliant final dissertation on you that will blow the panel away. All with little to no effort on your part. You just have to sit around and be your normal self in your normal habitat.

Speaking of which, what kind of habitat are we getting at E? I haven't visited the campus, but I hope the rooms are adequate. When we get in, I'll probably have to put through a request for a room with especially thick walls. Preferably with a fire escape for you to smoke.

Anyways, what _is _one supposed say in this note to your roommate? I suppose the brilliant admissions committee came up with this ploy to get us to pour out our hearts and souls in some pathetic teenage attempt at philosophy. But I can think of tons of things we could do that would better express our feelings than a million words we could say. And that brings me back to my initial point.

Matt, stop looking over my shoulder. I'm going to finish typing this, and by the time I'm done, you'd better be in bed all ready for me, ok? This has got to be the sappiest letter I've ever written. But if it gets me into uni, it's fine. Love is all-powerful or something. Yeah all right, goodbye now. See you in about two minutes. Love,

Mello


	3. Sayu

A/N: All right, here's the next chapter. I don't know if I liked it as much; it sounded rather preachy/whiny in my head. If there's any humor, it'll be dark rather than light, hehe.

Aaaaaand… I don't own Death Note.

XXX

**University A Application Form**

Name: Sayu Yagami

DOB: 6/18/1989

**Celebrity crush:** Hideki Ryuga

**Role model: **Light Yagami

**Please describe a meaningful travel experience that you have had. (1500 chars.)**

I was twenty-one when I was kidnapped and brought from Japan to the United States. I won't mention the name of the one who was behind my kidnapping, but I will say that in some twisted sense, I am grateful to him.

Before I was kidnapped, my life was just one long parade of new shoes, new boyfriends, new TV dramas, and still more trivialities. Everything was about me and what I wanted. The id, I believe Freud called it? Yes… that all disappeared when they snatched me from the streets of Tokyo.

At first, everything seemed completely illogical. What could they want with an innocent college girl like me? They didn't talk much to me, because I didn't have the information they wanted. He spoke to me once, though. He had a terrible accent, but I understood this much: "You look like you'd be a queen bee kind of girl back at school. But I'm sure you've realized, you're not a queen here. You're just a pawn, and you were unlucky enough to be on the wrong side."

The months after I was released were hard, but I clung to what he said, and I thought that maybe, just maybe, I could be not a queen, but at least a bishop or something. Not that I'm religious. I just wish that I could make a difference sometimes and change the world. Just maybe.

**Find X. (1500 chars.)**

It's right there! See?

Haha, did you really think I would just put that as my answer? Of course there's more.

Years ago, my brother would help me with math homework. Quadratic equations were not my forte. I just could never isolate that pesky x and figure out what it was, but Light's pencil always glided so effortlessly over the paper and revealed the letter. After weeks of practice, I could finally solve for x without being reduced to tears. It felt as if the gates of heaven had been opened, and I had discovered the answer to life and its mysteries.

Now, the equation is much larger, too complex to describe here, yet all too well-known to everyone. The problem is life, but… what is the problem?

I don't know. I could claim it's PTSD, or general anxiety disorder, or just… what? I know this is wrong, that admissions officers don't want to hear it, that every applicant has to have a perfect life. But it's not like that.

What's wrong? I can't find x if I don't know what the question is. But you know what? I feel that everyone is like that. If we had all the questions AND all the answers, we'd be gods. Perhaps we're just not meant to know. Find x? No thanks.

XXX

A/N: So…? Ah well, every story must have at least one chapter that's a flop… conversely, perhaps you liked this illuminated side of Sayu better? *gets hopes up

Oh, whatevs, I promise the next chapter will be more coherent =)


	4. L

A/N: As promised, a better chapter for your enjoyment! The author is not the proprietor of _Death Note _*glances around furtively to see who is

XXX

**University T Application Form**

Name: Justice

DOB: 10/31/79

Religion (optional): atheist

Race: Justice is color blind.

Education interruption: please describe any unusual circumstances regarding your attendance at secondary school or other university

I never really went to secondary school, or any school, for that matter. Please ask Watari for details; I am not concerned with such mundane affairs.

**Favorite movie:** Yagami household surveillance tapes.

**Please choose five (5) words that describe yourself: **Loves cake, must have more.

**Imagine looking through a window at any environment that is particularly significant to you. Reflect on the scene, paying close attention to the relation between what you are seeing and why it is meaningful to you. (300 words)**

Twenty floors up. Rain-streaked panes, floor to ceiling, wall to wall. City lights shining dimly through the smog, just brushing the edges of hooded faces huddled under nondescript black umbrellas. Nameless, faceless, as am I.

They don't look up as they shuffle between home and work and home and work, but even if they did, they would not see the apparition standing here against the misting glass. Nameless, faceless, as it should be.

If they were to meet justice, would they recognize it? If they saw it slouching down the sidewalk, thumb in mouth, cake in hand, would they greet it by its right name? No, they would call it 'pedophile' and 'freak' and call pest control.

Let me not forget the other side of the matter. What if justice saw the faces under the umbrellas? What if justice, who only ever sees the dark side of the human soul, were to encounter the radiant facets of ordinary, good citizens? Could justice become deluded? Could justice cement its faith in humanity and cease to operate a set of fair scales?

Justice already has. The blindfold has slipped, the window has shattered, the pillars of righteousness are crumbling, and all thanks to one Kira, bless his soul. Humanity never looked so attractive as when it went by the name of Light Yagami (of course, his actual species if debatable; I suspect him to be of incubus origin). Oh sweet temptation; how I wish the window had never broken, that I'd never put a name to that perfect face, that we could have all stayed anonymous, and safe.


	5. Misa

A/N: Misa-Misa applies to college- gasp! This ficlet was supposed to be its own thing originally, but then I couldn't think of anything for Misa's app, so this happened. The quote is from the cover of my journal in which I draft fics. It's in French. I am not fluent, but I thought the mirror thing was significant enough to write about.

I do not own Death Note in case you were wondering.

**University H Application Form**

Name: Misa Amane

DOB: 12/25/84

Prospective major: Creative Writing

Religion (optional): Church of Kira

Favorite book: _Death Note_

**For the creative writing major, we request that you submit a work that you feel best demonstrates your potential as an artist, thinker, visionary, and future citizen of the University of H. In the spirit of adventurous musing, your work may be on any topic, in any genre: poetry, nonfiction, fiction, etc. Take a little risk, and have fun. In the interest of our readers' sanity and time, however, we ask that you limit yourself to 500 words.**

Meme dans le miroir, j'ai des oreilles, de malheureuses oreilles.- Even in the mirror, I have ears, ears of misfortune.

1. The creature crouched behind her. It was a gorilla-like nightmare in jagged, bleached bones, while she was a lesson in quintessential human charm: doll face, doll body, doll movements as she ran a brush through silk strands. She listened as the creature spoke of numbers that did not hover above her head because she carried a little black book. She listened as it spoke of many things, things that she did not comprehend. But it didn't matter, because when she looked in the mirror and said, "I see," she meant it like this: "I see myself and him, and I see my numbers going down as his goes up."

_I'd give my life for him._

She did not say this aloud, but the creature knew and resented it. Its ears stung as it heard the fated words, saw the numbered days ticking downwards.

2. The creature crouched behind her again, the same heap of calcified ridges and dried fossils, but she did not recognize it. Her porcelain face paled further, her baby blue eyes widened more, but the mirror didn't lie. The hand over her mouth was realer than any nightmare.

She listened as it spoke of things she did not comprehend, watched the cat-like eyes in the mirror, frantically thought, "How does it know?"

Because what it said was the golden truth: she loved Tsuki more than life itself. And even if everything else it said was meaningless, this was the truth, and the creature was a messiah.

It was, though, a ghastly messenger; it told her the gospel of her love, the word of the light. That she and he had been supreme in the realm of numbers and justice, once, made perfect sense to her.

Her eyes tingled as the creature floated away, its yellow eyes piercing until the last. Misfortune never occurred to her.

3. He and she were reunited now on the throne of numbers and justice. Scratch that: he was on the throne, and she was on a little footstool off to the side, but if she realized it, she didn't care. Just being near him was enough for her. The golden age of truth was about to descend, if only they could eradicate those pesky brats that lived across the ocean.

But he would take care of it; she knew he would, so she cheerily attended to choosing her outfit for the day. Red dress or green dress, she started to ask him, but the bathroom door was closed. She crept closer, and over the flow of water, she just barely heard him ponder sororicide.

The tall mirror propped next the bed beckoned, and she stared. Two shattered eyes greeted her, and ears of misfortune.


	6. Teru

**University N Application Form**

Name: Teru Mikami

DOB: 6/7/82

Religion (optional): Kira

Parental information:

Names: not worthy of remembrance.

Occupations: disillusioned vagrants, ignorant of the message of Kira.

Education: not enough, alas.

**Extracurricular activities:**

Sports:every Sunday and Thursday, 9-10:30 gym workout, without fail or regard for holiday

Clubs: frequent participant on Kira's Kingdom

Fine arts: I write poetry using people's names.

**Please describe one of these activities in further detail: your motivation and what you have gained intellectually, spiritually, or otherwise from this activity. (1000 chars.)**

Small, black rectangle

More equal than any square

_Just _geometry

.

Eyes, God's eyes, I see

Arithmetic, subtraction

Limit goes to nil

.

Golden fountain pen

Piercing sword, avenging flame

Inked blood on paper

.

Hate is for the weak.

Mother, bullies, sinners all

Not hated, but scorned

.

Ignorance breeds hate

Ignorance, born of fear, and

God is not afraid

.

Held up to the light

Perfection, though I did not

Know my God's true name

.

Kami: night god moon

Day is for the sinful world

Brazen, brash, and bright

.

Moon is for the one

Who guides us through the darkest

Night, of shadowed death

.

His voice, like spring rain

Nurturing the world's flowers

Earth's paradise reigned

.

Death god, laughed and said

I am not your god, neither

Is he; there is none

.

Tower of Babel

He tried to reach God, thought he

Was God, but was he?

.

Lucifer, fallen

Ideals, unreachable, so

We return to dust

.

Regrets, deafening

Waves of names now gone from life

What did they die for?

**Describe your dream job and where this dream originates from. (1000 chars.)**

I assume you mean before I became God's right hand, because that isn't my dream job; it IS my job.

Before, though, I dreamed of being an operator in an open air glass elevator in the Eiffel Tower. I don't know if such a thing exists, but I would definitely apply for the post.

Paris is everyone's dream, is it not? In a place like this, nothing is foul; young love and fresh hopes waft through the air like the fragrance of new blooms. Sin exists and death lives on, but the steel and brick of Paris's skylines keep them at bay, and I could almost forget justice in this Edenic farce three hundred meters above the ground.

And if the façade ever fell through, if I were to look one day and see storm clouds on the horizon, if the pretense ever got to be too much… well, that's why I specified an open elevator. I could fall.

So, so simple, really. Let me dream, let me pretend, and if you won't, let me go. Let me be another one who died for liberty, but not for justice, because I can't die for something that doesn't exist.

XXX

A/N: Not fanatic, sakujo-ing Mikami, but world-weary, disillusioned Teru. How do you like?


	7. Beyond

**University O Application Form**

Name: Beyond Birthday

Social Security #: 666-13-7734

Prospective major: bakery science (it DOES exist)

Education interruption (please describe any unusual circumstances regarding your attendance at secondary school or other university): Well, I would have graduated from Wammy's House, but my best friend committed suicide, so you must understand why I wasn't particularly fond of the place and left before completing my education. Real world beats anywhere, though, in terms of cultivating practical intelligence.

**Extracurricular activities:**

Sports: capoeira (oh look, Microsoft Word underlined that in red, how delicious). I learned from the very best.

Clubs: they are nice for braining people. Oh, I believe this means clubs as in organizations. In that case, no, I have no affiliations with any clubs.

Community service: my very existence is a service to society. After all, "I am the one hiding under your bed, teeth ground sharp and eyes glowing red" and "I am the 'who' when you call, 'Who's there?' I am the wind blowing through your hair." If I weren't around, who would scare little children into complacency when night fall? Who would frighten them into staying in their beds late at the night for fear of the boogie man? I think I deserve community service hours for the millions of hours I have saved parents around the world from having to restrain their juveniles from breaking curfew. Enough said.

**Describe a work of art (e.g., a fine art piece, a song, a book, a poem, a photograph, etc.) that was significant to you. (500 words)**

I was listening to "Heaven Help Us" by My Chemical Romance the other day (I normally don't; it just happens that the girl I was stalking [8 days, 7 hours, 14 minutes, and 33 seconds left in her]dropped her iPod, so I thought I'd have some fun with it). Weirdly, unlike most whiny hipster bands' music, it got me thinking.

Who on earth invented this mistake called life, huh? I'd like to meet him so I can eviscerate him with loving care. Oh right. He wasn't on earth, was he? He was some guy in space who got tired of seeing nothing but blackness, so he made light and earth and water and whatnot. And along the way, he decided he would make some things that apparently looked like him, so they could sing his praises. As if the angels glory-hallelujah-ing 24-7 weren't good enough.

Oh, angels. Whole 'nother story, now. I swear this'll get back on topic soon. Not that I'm _really _off topic. There were a lot of angels originally, it seems, but then a third of them went plunging after Satan into hell. And after thinking about it, I realized I'm not all that different.

My Satan was a man who called himself justice, but I think he knew that he was really just self-interest. Solve cases, arrest criminals, get a kick out of hearing people say his one-letter moniker like they were praying to a goddamn saint.

That's all he lived for: for himself, for his own happiness, the world be screwed. And I, in my youthful delusion, believed he was working for something greater, and that I should do likewise.

He was everything to me. If he said jump, I asked how high - no, I would guess how high he wanted and then do it. I wanted to be like him, act like him, think like him. I raised myself to fit his shoes perfectly.

And what for? I never could, because it turns out he didn't wear shoes. Darn.

No shoes, no standards, and no way for me to ever reach him. My best friend died trying, and after that, I figured I'd better get out of there or I'd go the same way. No such luck.

Psychosis is such a lovely thing; I do hope you get to experience it someday. It's just so fun observing my own actions, the more shocking the better, and wonder what is going on inside my brain to make me do such things. But anyways, long story short (I know I have a word limit), I ended up pouring myself a gasohol cocktail with a burning match instead of a slice of lime to top it off. I was going to be drunk for the first and last time in my life.

Then that FBI girl had to come along and put me out. That was the first time in my life I wanted to cry and couldn't. Because you know, my tear glands were kind of burned out.

And there's the punch line to the joke of life: someone save us.

Well, I suppose she could just have been in the wrong place at the wrong time. Unlucky for me.

But wasn't that what my life was all about? Trying everything and failing? Heaven help us indeed, teehee. Thanks for this life, Ryuuzaki. Much appreciated.

XXX

A/N: I think I liked this one best, along with L and Mikami's. It just fell into place really nicely and unexpectedly. Anyways, I do not own Death Note, Nightmare Before Christmas, My Chemical Romance, or anything else I could possibly make money off of. Sheesh, someday I'll get a job and then I won't have to fantasize about owning and profiting from any of these. But for now… your readership will do as writers' wages :) Thanks for reading! Here's the lovely song Beyond wrote about.

"Heaven Help Us" - My Chemical Romance

_Hear the sound_

_The angels come screaming _

_Down your voice _

_I hear you've been bleeding _

_Make your choice _

_They say you've been pleading_

_Someone save us _

_Heaven help us now _

_Come crashing down _

_We'll hear the sound _

_As you're falling down _

_I'm at this old hotel_

_But can't tell if I've been breathing or sleeping _

_Or screaming or waiting for the man to call _

_And maybe all of the above _

_Cause mostly I've been sprawled on these cathedral steps _

_While spitting out the blood and screaming _

_"Someone save us!"_

_And will you pray for me?_

_Or make a saint of me?_

_And will you lay for me?_

_Or make a saint of?_

_Cause I'll give you all the nails you need _

_Cover me in gasoline _

_Wipe away those tears of blood again _

_And the punch line to the joke is asking_

_Someone save us_

_And would you pray for me?_

_(You don't know a thing about my sins_

_How the misery begins)_

_Or make a saint of me?_

_(You don't know So I'm burning, I'm burning)_

_And will you lay for me?_

_(You don't know a thing about my sins_

_How the misery begins)_

_Or make a saint?_

_(You don't know Cause I'm burning, I'm burning)_

_Cause I'll give you all the nails you need _

_(I'm burning, I'm burning again)_

_Cover me in gasoline again_


	8. Light

**University T Application Form**

Name: Light Yagami

DOB: 2/28/86

Religion (optional): Church of Kira

Race: Japanese

Education interruption (please describe any unusual circumstances regarding your attendance at secondary school or other university): Well, I missed about five months of college in my freshman year due to my involved work on the Kira case. All told, it's hardly worth mentioning; I still graduated with distinction in four years.

**Favorite movie:** _The Notebook_

**Please choose five (5) words that describe yourself: **God of the New World.

**Imagine looking through a window at any environment that is particularly significant to you. Reflect on the scene, paying close attention to the relation between what you are seeing and why it is meaningful to you. (300 words) **

Honestly, there's no other explanation for it. I was a bored, brilliant student with nothing to do in class. The world was just asking for what happened next.

The window looked on to a plain school courtyard, asphalt and tired green grass. Utterly uninspiring… and then a black notebook fell from the sky.

I thought many things in that moment, probably more than I'd ever had to think in that class. I considered the possibilities of: 1) hallucination, induced by extreme boredom; 2) extraterrestrial intrusion, though I am a subscriber to alien conspiracy theories; 3) a physics class's experiment on free fall; 4) an aircraft dumping waste from four thousand meters up.

I don't know what possessed me to amble over (no, I didn't amble; even if I didn't have a purpose, I still walked as if I did) to that corner of the courtyard and pick it up. But I did… and the rest, as they say, is history - admittedly, a rather vile stretch of history that textbooks will dub the Second Reign of Terror.

Thanks to the notebook, I've had my fair share of excitement and relief from boredom. You might say I even became something of an adrenaline junkie. There just isn't any more fulfilling way to live than on the edge. It can't be good for my blood pressure, but the constant mental stimulation that came from thinking of ways to deliver justice and destroy my obstacles is very edifying. The colloquialism is called "living the life," I believe.

Now, when I look out the window in my mind, where the notebook is falling, I see their faces: Ryuk, L, Misa, Rem, Higuchi, Mello, Near, Mikami, and Takada. While I simultaneously wish most of them were dead, I also see a mutualism between myself and each of them. Just like me, Ryuk, L and Near strove to defeat me to relieve their boredom, though the latter two masked their intent behind declarations of justice, the fools. Amusingly, the rest were lovesick bumblers: Misa and Takada sought romantic love from me, Mikami godly love (at least I hope it was so), Higuchi the love of power, and Mello the love of a man he could never equal. And at the center of this craven web of desire, I stood and stand still, above all, away from all, perfectly aloof in my godliness.

I am glad I looked out the window that day.

On a side note, a certain L, under the alias of "Justice," will also be applying to University T, and it is within my reason to believe that he may say some disparaging things about me in his application statement. Please disregard these; they are utterly untrue and most likely the result of excessive sugar intake resulting in delusions. Thank you very much.

* * *

A/N: Oops, Light has rather exceeded the word limit. Oh well. Next chapter is the last! How exciting!

Also, I have a poll on my profile page about reviewing habits, if you'd like to vote that would be nice :)


	9. Matt

A/N: And here's our grand finale with everyone's favorite gamer! A little humor to finish off… you may want to revisit Mello's application essay to understand some references here. Thank you to everyone who's read and reviewed! Brownie points for Green Day fans :D

I don't own Death Note; gee, I wonder who does?

**University E Application Form **

Name: Jesus of Suburbia.

Preferred name: Matt

DOB: 2/1/90

Citizenship: Ireland, England, America, and Republic of Mello after he founds it

Religion (optional): Church of Mello. So what if I'm currently the sole believer?

Parental information:

Names: father- Rage; mother- Love

Occupations: badasses

Education: self-taught, bitches

Class size: 41

Class rank: 3

Education interruption: please describe any unusual circumstances regarding your attendance at secondary school or other university

None, besides the fact that Wammy's is no ordinary secondary school.

**Give a nonscientific reason for why the sky is blue: 50 words**

It reflects Mello's eyes. Duh.

**What would you do with a free afternoon? 50 words**

Allocate my time very efficiently: assuming an afternoon lasts from 1-6pm, I'd spend the first two hours gaming, hacking, and waiting for Mello to recover from foodcoma, the next hour gaming, hacking, and resisting Mello's newly awakened sexual appetite, and the last two hours submitting to Mello's every sick fantasy.

**Write a note to your future roommate: 500 words.**

Dear Mello,

Yeah, I read what you said about a free afternoon, but sorry to say, we won't be spending the whole afternoon as you've planned. There's actually important stuff to do, you know, like locate the cafeteria.

Also, you'd better get your skinny ass on a flat surface right now. No, not because I'm going to screw you senseless (well, maybe later), but because I'm going to tell you something that may make your sky fall, and I don't want you to get squished.

We might not be roommates. E does random assignment.

And I know you're thinking, why can't Matt just hack the system and change it so that we're rooming together? Here's why I won't do it:

1. I hate to take a thumbtack to your overinflated ego, but where's the fun in my being with you 24-7? You don't really have the stamina to be, ah, working every minute of the day. And night. And have you ever heard of something called delay of gratification? It's supposed to make everything taste better. Kind of like ketchup.

2. Covert sex is fun. I assume you remember the broom closet outside Roger's office at Wammy's? (I can see you saying "Fondly," with that lecherous look on your face) Anyways, just think about the possibilities at college. I _have _hacked the camera feeds, and there _are _some excellent vistas where we can… rendezvous. We can take it to the deck of the bell tower our first day… all campus will get an impromptu concert.

3. About your thesis… I think your professors will object if it's too easy. I mean, your current proposal is to sit and watch me as I achieve world domin - uh, a new high score on GTA. That's got to be the easiest project ever. But if you had to go about it secretly and observe (read: stalk) me, you'd get way more credit, wouldn't you? Stealth and tracking skills are sure to impress your advisor. Plus, you can also terrorize my randomly selected roommate by making him think you're stalking him. (I'm banking on him _not _being gay and getting the hots for you. but you make the straightest men convert, so I guess I'll have to become a murderer. Oops.)

I think that's all. Honestly, I have better things to do than wrangle over us not being roommates. If you get homesick (Matt-sick? Home = Matt for you), you can bring a sleeping bag over to my room. But not too often.

Also, notice the fact that this letter _is _addressed to you, which seems to imply that you'll be my roommate, regardless of everything I've just said. You'll know the truth come September.

Love/Lust/Lol,

Matt

* * *

A/N: By the way, now that this is complete, do you notice anything about the order and names of the universities? :P


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